DOES SHE REALLY LOOK HAPPY!!?

This is my daughter Lily...one of the pics that I happened to get off his site.  Which currently is still down almost two weeks later.  I am wondering if he found out that I was getting.  Yet that is pretty stupid considering he will not talk to me and he just does not seem to care if I have any contact whatsoever with my daughter.  The Justice system is so screwed up because he continues to refuse me to visit with my daughter and they continue to let him get away with it.  If you are getting away with something you will continue to do it.

Christmas 04'

Well Christmas Again....the time of the year that I dread.  The first year in the last 9 years that I have not seen my kids for christmas.  The reason I say that is because my oldest child this is his nineth christmas.  Every year since they have been in foster care or with their fathers I have seen them all minus Haven a week prior to christmas...Haven I at least talk on the phone to.  Well this Year Nada.  I got a status report on the net by my oldest daughters stepmother telling me what her status was and then she rubbed in my face what she was getting for christmas.  Needless to say I think it was a ploy to show me hahaha we have her here for christmas and we are not even going to let you talk to her.  Her stepmother sent me a christmas picture and I am awaiting more via e-mail.

When it came to Lily I did not get anything but a typed out letter from her stepmother trying to tell me I caused a scene in front of the courthouse on the 7th of December. I could not believe that she even had the nerve to write something like that to me considering the time of the year.  I managed to get pics of her only because her father had a site that he puts pics on.  Which now is currently marked private. So I have no new pics of her.  I do not know if he is updating or if he found out that somehow I had the access to the pics and decided to mark them as private or what?? Who knows!!  I sure don't!!  So all I want is to see my kids and have something to do with them.

The problem always seems to be the same...I seem to not ever see my kids and the fathers and everyone else seem to get away with it!  So this christmas was lonely.  I went to the families houses to try to get involved but seeing the kids within my family and knowing I can not see mine is really hard.  Then I feel as if I do not fit in.  So I have tried but this christmas wasn't the same as the last two with them in foster care I have been able to visit with the kids at least a week prior to christmas.  I feel so small right now.  I have a boyfriend that has been supportive of me since the whole thing started but he is on a boat on a deployment for six months and he was unable to be here.  So things are quite difficult.

This is just a page to let people know what things are like lately!!  And to wish Everyone a Merry Christmas!!  This is the time of the year when you are supposed to have forgiveness considering it is the day of the birth of Jesus...so I have managed to forgive for just one day.  I know that within myself I am supposed to forgive but that has been a hard task to do.  And I have not yet managed to get to that level.  So to wish everyone a merry Christmas!!